Fundamentalist Recovery?

First a bit of history: I am a guy who was raised very Southern Baptist, went to church three times a week with the family growing up, and have had way more than my fair share of Hell and Brimstone. The problem is, that even as a teenager, it all really did not add up. It scared me. I tried and tried to ask Jesus to come into my heart. I prayed, and did all the things the church told me to do, but nada. OK, maybe I just didn't do it right. So I jumped into bible study, and got even more confused. Even as a kid I couldn't see how rational people really believed what was in the bible. I concluded that people went to church to be seen, and because it "looked good". My parents were big on looking good - Dad was a bank president, and mom was always supportive of him. They never were pushy about religion, but used it to help them raise and control their kids. It seem to be an effective tool to control people who cannot, or don't want to think for themselves.After High School, I went to the military, college, and onto life in general. I bet I went to church 2 or 3 times in 10 years (Holidays) - I just didn't need, or want it. I am successful, and happy, with no god in sight.When my younger sister had her first child, you would have thought that she invented childbirth, and her baby was a direct miracle from god, not biology 101. She went WAY off the religious deep end, and stayed that way for many years. Think of the most wacko fundamentalist you have ever seen - that was her. OK, that made family holidays weird, because she believed all the rest of us were the "enemy" and "of the world" and were all going to hell, but we dealt with it. She weirded out her kids as well... I remember my niece had to be "Bible Girl" for Halloween....Anyway skip ahead about 10 years and she decides to go back to school to get her degree. She is majoring in psychology. Well what would you know...within about a year and a half something changes. She takes a step out of her little god-world, and is surprised to find out that she may have been a little closed minded. She took a class on Western Civilization, and learned much about other world religions, and how everyone pretty much believes the same thing anyway. Skip ahead a few more years, and she is now done a complete turnaround, and is almost to the point of disgust at the religious zealot she used to be, and is quite embarrassed actually. She is also much better at family holidays now that we are no longer Satan's spawn. She is my "proof" that people can break free of the "cult-like" views that get pounded into their heads in a fundamentalist church.Now to the reason for my post... I am now in a relationship with a wonderful woman. She is just out of a divorce where she was married to a man who exercised 100% control of her and everything else, through (you guessed it) religion. This guy conned her out of about $250,000 to put in his company, wouldn't let her leave the house, have friends, etc... Church was expected almost everyday, and he berated her into total and complete submission (in the name of the lord).He is gone now, but she seems to be in this "limbo" spiritually... She had this "Christ like" man who treated her horribly, didn't let her see her family/friends and suppressed every spark of life she had. All of her "church friends" supported him, and told her wives were to be submissive, etc, etc... Not the best advice in my opinion.Now I come along, a good guy, good morals, treats her extremely well, and things are great. EXCEPT... for the fact that she is still caught up in the religion that kept her a prisoner for so long. She will start crying because she "wants god to bless us", and she is afraid for her eternal life, etc... She realized she was controlled and victimized by religion, and does not want that again, but regresses often, and breaks down emotionally because of the inherit guilt religion requires of it's followers.I have been a good sport, and am trying to "meet her halfway" even going to church with her from time to time. I have also been studying the bible to better get a grasp of what I am dealing with. The bible is just as confusing to me now as when I was a teenager, but I can much better see it for the mythology/historical text that it really is at this point in my life.Slowly she is realizing that her "church friends" were kinda wacko, her Ex was a religious nut case, and maybe, just maybe, the entire world is not going to burn in hell. I do not want to do anything to "force" or otherwise influence her to think as I do. I do hope that over time, she will gradually figure it out, like my sister did...What are some of your examples of how some of you broke free of religious control, and how did you feel? What are some of the challenges? What are some things I can do to make her feel that she can be a real thinking person, without fear of burning in hell?

Thanks for the welcome...I was very happy to find this forum.I don't know if "de-programming" is the right word, just pretty much snapping back to reality. The reality that the ex is not actually godly at all was quite a revelation. He actually is more criminal than most anyone I have known, all of course in the name of the lord.I am not saying Christians are bad, most are very nice, but they are bad when they profess one thing, and live something else...I read another thread discussing the absolute of if something is not of God, then it is of "the world", thus, if it is of the world, it is evil... This is the stuff I am dealing with.... Also, the whole "The enemy" thing makes me laugh...I was successful in convincing her that Harry Potter is not actually satan...score! She is actually a very intelligent woman, but this guy stripped her of all self confidence, then replaced it with selective bible teachings... That seems to be pretty common, and quite effective...

"zealotry" is the best way to describe it, proper english or not... I can't actually believe these guys act so proper and prim around each other, but behind closed doors, many many of them are basically bad people.Do you think all of these people realize the hypocrisy, or are they really that caught up in the fervor?

Buz,I appreciate your concern. However, I am now neither confused or in need of help.I also said their "church friends", not the church, backs him. Please do not mis-quote me.They (many church "friends" and "wise council"?) told her to stay in the marriage, knowing the abusive situation, and the instability of her Ex. She heard lots of quotes about King James, she must forgive, and all the normal OT babble. In my opinion, this was horrible advice that prolonged a very bad situation.As far as going after another man's wife, please reference my first post. "He is gone now", and "she is just out of a divorce" should make it clear to you that she is not this mans wife anymore. Again, a wrong assumption on your part, based on the fact that you did not read my original post.Your inferrence that we may be "messing with God and the Bible to try and justify ourselves" is silly. I know this man, and his history, and he is not even close to being a good person. Turns out all the "wise Council" was a little nearsighted, and has since changed their tune.My point, that you missed, is many men, using fundie church doctrine, dominate and control woman relentlessly. This is done in large part by the inherit guilt religion requires of it's followers.

Buz,I said (another mis-quote)that Harry Potter was not satan. The fundie church gets all up in arms over the funniest things.Also, all bible teachings are not bad. Quite the contrary... I do beleive the bible has a great deal of wonderful doctrine, that if treated rationally, would benefit mankind. Bible teachings are only bad when people use them to control, dominate, and intimidate individuals into their way of thinking.Being able to think for yourself without having to refer back to an old story book to see if it is "OK" is quite nice. Try it sometime.[This message has been edited by Atos, 04-21-2004]