e:
About your urge to believe, or rather the absence of your urge to believe:
Human urges, in general, are fairly plastic, as evidenced by addictions, being in love with this one and not that, etc. A sensible, sapienistic (hence, normal?) human would therefore tend to use their mind to adopt (choose) profitable urges. Now, the study of Anthropology has shown that almost all existing or surviving cultures are filled with persons who have, or appear to have, an urge to believe, that has resulted in a variety of religious practises involving belief in some higher powers or beings. That in itself suggests that when persons in the past were born with, or chose not to have, the urge to believe, they were selected out of history.
But it gets better. The more focused that urge to believe has become on a father-figure God, the more widespread the religious practise. In ecological terms, the more fit the choice/phenotype of having such an urge. Looking at the "success" of cultures, we have quite a wide rangeing database, from Calvinistic Switzerland with some 500 years now of remarkable peace, prosperity, honor, glory, to, say, atheistic Albania, with a record of gloom and despair broken only by Mother Teresa, the exception that proves the rule.
You asked, didn't you, why it might be in your best interests to choose to have an urge to believe?
Now, I'll grant you that it's something of a puzzle why you have to choose that urge, why it is not already present. And maybe you are also unaware of how to so choose some urge, so that it actually shows up in your mind or emotions. The mystery of evil again raises its ugly head. We do know that some babies are born addicted, that is, with a mal-adapted urge, because of stuff their mother was doing. Write it off to the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
But, lucky you, because you get to look at the urge objectively, and will get only what you choose, you can refine what you choose. You do not need to join those troublesome persons who not only have an urge to believe in a perfect loving father who is a God, but also want to believe in a talking book, or some hypocritical religion. You also, getting your urge by choice, should it lead or energize you into some philosophically untenable position, can later choose to abandon it, to choose the urge to disbelieve.
It's only reasonable, at this point. As a person yourself, you tend to stay away from people who have no urge to want you. To court someone, you make it clear to them that you have an honest desire to have them a part of your life. Why not give God that break? Choose to want Him, and when you do want Him, let Him know you want Him, and see if He won't give you a tumble. Won't supply you with whatever philosophic insights or arguments that you need to know that He is an ontologic reality.
BTW, I'm new to these discussions, and missed out on contributing to your soul, mind/matter debates. If I had, I would have encouraged your diligence and excellence in attempting to keep the debaters playing by the rules. Maybe I will respond anyway, even though it has been a while.
Stephen