I'm writing a story because I'm bored.

This may seem like a weird place to post this but something I wrote in Chapter 2 made me think of EvC and I wouldn't mind getting a little feedback from a place that like enjoy visiting. So if you guys would like (and if its allowed) take a gander and leave feedback. WARNING: Some foul language ahead so read at your own risk.Chapter OneEric Hughes, a perennial night owl, was walking to the gas station at 3:30 am to spend most of his last five dollars on a pack of cigarettes when he noticed a man in dirty jeans and a paint spattered hoodie walking toward him on the sidewalk. "Hello" he said hoping to get nothing more then a "Hello" in return."Heeeyy" said the guy.Haha good thing that dude was stoned out of his mind. Eric thought as he passed the other man. He let his mind drift back to whether a goose or a squirrel would win in a no holds barred deathmatch that he he had been thinking about before he was interrupted by the stoner. When not twenty feet after they passed each other the night was lit by an explosion to the west of them. Eric dove for cover under some bushes lining the lawn of a nearby house."What the FUCK was that!? And why are you in those bushes dude?" The stoner who had come back down the street stood on the sidewalk looking down at him. "An accident you think?"Eric crawled out of the bushes feeling like an idiot. "I...just..I dunno what that was, could have been an accident I guess." Brushing leaves and dirt of his jeans he looked west where he could now see fire flickering off the leaves of the trees down the street. "Maybe we should go check it out and see if anyone needs help?" They were a block and a half from the main street, Broadway, that cut through town where the explosion seemed to have happened."Yeah lets go check it out, I've never seen a bad accident before!" Stoner said gleefully.The two started down the street. When they got to the end of the block Eric heard something strange, "The hell is that sound?""What? Fire? There was an explosion dude, explosions make fire sometimes."Eric shook his head and pointed north up the other street at the interesection, "Down this street, sounds like...like a horse with steaks taped to its hooves or something?" The stoner looked at him like he was crazy then burst out laughing. Eric ignored him and focused on the dark street to their right, the sound seem to be getting closer but he couldn't make out anything in the shadow shrouded street. "I think...what the CHRIST is that?" Eric took a step back bumping into the stoner."WHAT dude?" Stoner now was sounding nervous. "Quit messing around man.""I'm not messing around. There is something...big like halfway down the street. Lets get out of here, that looks like a bear." A bear in the middle of fucking TOWN? Thought Eric, as he turned toward main street and started walking as fast as he dared. The stoner stood still for a few seconds looking down the street before noting that Eric was leaving and broke into a jog to catch up.A not quite female scream tore up the street toward the men and now both heard the sound of a steak-shoed horse galloping up the street toward them. "FUCK this!" yelled the stoner as he broke into a sprint toward Broadway. Eric thought that was a good idea and started to do the same only to be tripped when his shoe flew off, "OOfff" he grunted as he hit the concrete sternum first knocking his breath out. The stoner turned back to see Eric laying on the sidewalk and what had to be a hallucination step into the light of the streetlamp at the corner."What the....Dude, DUDE get up!" he screamed at Eric.Eric frantically rolled onto his back to see what the stoner was screaming about, to come face to face with a beautiful young blonde woman with eyes as green as kiwi fruit. From the chin up that is, below that was the body of a massive hunchbacked hairless gorilla. "Good god..." Eric breathed. The woman thing put a hand the size of a cookie sheet on his chest and yanked him up of the ground by his shirt and held him suspended a foot off the ground staring him in the face. Eric stared back before his gaze fell to her shoulders and chest and he noticed the seams of her sweater stretched to the breaking point by the masses of muscle under it.Instinct kicked in and he swung his right fist into her face as hard as he could, the punch rocked her enough to stagger her to her left. She stood stunned, tears forming in her beautiful green eyes before she looked back at him, screeched like a stepped on cat and hurled him down the street over the stoner and into a stop sign. Eric's unconscious body rolled into the middle of Broadway before coming to a stop.The stoner stumbled to his feet after dodging the man missile and turned to face the woman thing. "Oh god oh god, please don't hurt me please please..." he muttered as he backed away with his hands up palms out in front of him. The woman snarled at him spit blood to one side and charged. "ShhhhiiIIIIIIT!" Stoner yelled as he crossed his arms in front of his face to block the sight of his impending mauling. His every muscle tensed as he prepared for the impact of the behemoth of a woman, just as he felt the vibrations of her charge on the concrete and the first puff of her breath on his arm a blindingly bright flash of blue light exploded in front of his face and he heard a short strangled scream and then a thud down the street.After a few moments of non-mauling the stoner risked a peek beyond his arms to see what happened. To his surprise the woman thing was laying about 75 feet away on the other side of the intersection back the way the men had come from. "What the hell is going on...?" Completely befuddled he turned back toward where Eric lay and ran to see if he was alive.He dropped to his knees by the body expecting the worst and slowly carefully rolled him over to check for signs of life. "What?" his befuddlement rising he ran his hands down Eric's arms and legs checking for any obvious injury."Please quit fondling me man." Eric said in a slightly slurred voice, "What the hell happened to me...? Oh damn, where is it?!" He jumped to his feet looking around frantically. "Where'd that chick....thing go?"Shes...asleep. How they hell are you not hurt dude? Hottiezilla threw you like a hundred feet, and you almost snapped that stop sign off it's post when you hit it, how are you even standing?" Stoner asked wide eyed."Luck I guess? What do you mean 'Shes asleep'? How are you alright when she tried to hail mary me to Montana? ARE you allright? And how did...wait...where'd your hand go?" Eric asked his shock showing in his eyes."What the hell are you...WHERE THE FUCK IS MY HAND?!" the stoner screamed when he noticed that his right arm ended at a ragged bloodless stump halfway between the wrist and elbow. He seemed to gag and then his bugged out eyes rolled back into his head and he fainted.Edited by nlerd, : No reason given.Edited by nlerd, : No reason given.Edited by nlerd, : No reason given.Edited by nlerd, : No reason given.

Thanks for giving it a read and the pointers, this is my first time ever trying to write anything (other then for school like 15 years ago) and I think it will help me out alot to get pointers from impartial people.And as for the pointers I'll see if I can clear some things up.Eric's being a night owl will become more apparent as the story progresses.And I'm not TRYING to have the story shown from Eric's POV, he is more of the focus instead of the camera. I think the only thing that imply its from his POV is seeing his thoughts, but I don't plan on that being something you only see from him.I also have Chapter 2 almost finished if people want to read through that too.Edited by nlerd, : Added chapter 2 part.Edited by nlerd, : No reason given.

Alright here is Chapter 2, which has a bit more information on the characters.Chapter TwoEric pulled off his shirt intending to wrap his new buddie's arm to prevent him from bleeding to death even. Seeing no blood he grabbed the arm to wrap it anyway just in case. When he picked the arm up off the ground and started to wrap it he hit his arm on something that wasn't there. Startled he dropped the arm only for it to land as though the hand was resting on the stoner's stomach with the elbow on the ground, where it stayed which didn't make any sense. "I have got to be dreaming this whole night or something." he muttered.He cautiously reached his hand toward where a hand would be if the hand wasn't obviously gone. When he touched what felt like the back of a hand about an inch above the stoner's stomach his jaw dropped and he sat back staring at the "hand" that wasn't there.He suddenly leaned forward shaking the stoner "Hey wake up, hey man, HEY WAKE UP!"The stoner mumbled something groggily before his eyes flashed open and bolted upright eyes wide with terror. Eric grabbed his face in both hands and turned it to face him, "Hey your allright, your all good right now."Stoner raised his hands and rested them on Eric's forearms "Oh god dude what the hell is going on here?" He looked at where his right hand should be "Why can't I see my hand?" he asked looking at Eric with hopeful eyes.Eric let go of Stoner's face and shrugged "How the hell would I know man? What happened after I got knocked out?" He asked as he pulled his shirt back on."Hottiezilla charged me like 5 seconds after she kicked your ass, I crossed my arms in front of my face to try and give it some cover if she decided to try to tear it off." Stoner said raising his arms to show what he did. "Right before she got to me there was a bright ass flash of blue light and then, next thing I know she was like 75 feet away not moving."Eric looked down the street to see if he could see her, he couldn't due to the shadows. He looked back, "Where your arms crossed like that?" he asked pointing to the arm with the missing hand which was on the outside. "The weird arm is on the outside, maybe that had something to do with it.""Yeah my right arm was on the outside, that BITCH made my hand disappear!" Stoner sat pondering for a few moments. "By the way, I never got your name. I'm Andy Sawyer.""Nice to meet you man, I'm Eric Hughes. You wouldn't happen to
have a smoke I could get would you? I was on my way to get some when insanity struck.""Sorry dude, I don't smoke cigarettes." Andy said as a pulled a joint out of the pocket in his hoodie and lit it up. "Those things will kill you you know.""Yeeaahh...You sure you should be smoking that out in the open like this? And are you sure now is the best time to get high?" Eric asked as he looked around to see if anyone noticed."I'm not to worried about someone freaking out over a little pot when shit is exploding and hot chicks are Hulking out dude. And every time is the best time to get high. What are you looking at?" Andy followed Eric's gaze to see a flaming transformer on top of a utility pole in the middle of the block to their north. "Oh, well that explains the explosion I guess.""Yeah but I'm worried about what CAUSED it to explode, some weird crap going on tonight man." Eric headed for the street where they were attacked by "Hottiezilla" as Andy called her. "I'm just gonna make sure that 'Hottiezilla' isn't coming back for more fun."Eric stopped when he came the stop sign that he hit during his short flight as a human missile. The post of the stop sign was bent 90 degrees about 8 inches from the ground and the metal had actually torn on one side due to the impact. The post bent with so much force that the top of the post deformed and dented the pavement when it hit the street "Holy crap man. I did that to it when I hit it?""Yeah dude, that what I was saying. You should have like broken bones or something." Andy coughed out after taking a big hit of his joint. "Aren't you like in pain or anything?" Asked before wandering toward where he last seen Hottiezilla.Eric pulled up his shirt to look for any bruising that he wasn't feeling, but there were no obvious bruises or red marks to be seen. "I dunno man, must be like those stories you hear of people falling out of buildings or getting hit by cars but not getting a single scratch on them.""She's not on the street anymore dude, I don't like that" Andy called from halfway up the block, "Lets go find a cop or something, shit is way too weird tonight. Do you have a cell?""No I've never had one and probably never will, I don't believe in them." Eric said still patting himself down to feel for any painfull spots. Finding none he headed back to main street again and called back to Andy, "Lets just head to the gas station and see if we can use their phone."The gas station that Eric had been heading to before they were attacked was on the other side of Broadway two blocks to their south. The two men quickly jogged across Broadway and headed down the street to the gas station."What the fuck was up with Hottiezilla anyway dude? How did she get like that? Did you notice she was wearing clothes that a normal sized chick would be wearing? Its almost like she just BOOM grew to the size of a gorilla linebacker instantly or something." Andy was starting to sound nervous again "Maybe someone was doing like science stuff to her or something to make a super soldier or something."Eric shook his head "C'mon man this is Alexandria we're talking about, where would someone have the equipment to handle something like that? The only places I could think of are the hospital and the 3M plant, I doubt the hospital would have the right stuff and 3M makes duct tape...Who knows what was wrong with her, maybe some weird rare diesease no one ever hears about."Andy tried to stick his hand in front of Eric's face forgetting it was invisible, so he stuck the ragged stump out insted. "Yeah? How do you explain this dude? What the fuck could make someone's hand become invisible like this?" Rotating his arm side to side to show how everything became invisable if seen from "inside" the invisible parts of the arm, the skin was only visible from the outside so you couldn't see things like bone, muscles, and blood vessels through the invisible part.Eric shrugged, "I have no idea man, maybe you should go to the hospital after we call the police?" Eric looked over at Andy as they stepped up onto the curb at the end of the block with the gas station on it. "You know you swear alot Andy."Andy looked chagrined "Yeah sorry dude, I don't always think about what I'm saying." Andy looked at Eric with a raised eyebrow "Are you super religious or something? You seem to say "god" and "christ" alot. Not that there is anything wrong with being religious." He thought for a few seconds "And there is no way I'm going anywhere alone tonight, so the hospital is out unless I can get a ride from a cop or something."Eric shook his head "Quite the opposite in fact, don't believe in god. I try not to swear too much in public, I tend to use "god" and "Jesus" and the like in the place of curse words. Not to be disrespectful or anything, its just something I do. Maybe some kind of subconscious thing." Eric clapped a hand on Andy's shoulder "I'll stick around with you for a while until we figure out what the hell is going on."As the two stepped into the gas station parking lot Andy said "You know, I don't think I've seen a single car in like 45 minutes. Where is everyone? The parking lot is empty too."Eric looked around the parking lot and up and down Broadway "Hmm, that IS kinda a weird. I mean its almost 4 am on a Tuesday but you'd think we would see at least ONE car.""Yeah dude this is starting to feel like a movie about the apocalypse," Andy said as he pulled open the door to the gas station "I'm half expecting to start seeing zombies and meteors and shit."Eric chuckled as he follow Andy through the door "Haha man I sure hope thats not the case. Zombies are a pain in the ass." He grinned at Andy and then looked around the store, his grin turning into a look of worry. "Wheres the cashier? HELLO ANYONE HERE?" He shouted hoping someone was maybe in the back stocking the refridgerators or busy with something else. He headed toward the back of the store where the bathrooms and office were calling out to see if anyone else was in the store.While Eric was walking to the back of the store Andy headed around a shelf covered in bags of chips and candy to see if there was a phone near the check out counter. He leaned over the counter searching for a phone only to stumble backward with a scream into the shelf of junk food.Eric came running back out into the store after hearing the yell and crash of the shelf "Andy are you okay?!" he asked after seeing Andy sprawled in a mess of wrappers and crushed potato chips.Andy pointed a waivering finger and said "What the fuck is that on the floor behind the counter?"

First off, thanks for all the feedback Crash.As for Eric's ambiguity, that is kind of what I was going for. Like the story is from the point of view of "someone else" who just happened to be on the street at the moment Eric and Andy passed each other, that person wouldn't know anything about either man unless they told that "someone else" about themselves.And as for the dialogue being kind of...bland. I'm trying to give the characters more unique voices, I think Andy does "sound" a bit different then Eric at this point though. Dunno if his dropping "dude" and "fuck" left and right is enough though. I haven't started chapter 3 yet. I'll probably start it later tonight, can't leave my adoring fans in the dark!Edited by nlerd, : Added junk about chapter 3 and lied about fans.

Was too busy to finish it yesterday, I'll see if I can get to it later today.

I haven't written anything else because I got distracted and then lost the papers on which I had characters, scenes, random ideas and the like. Then forgot I was writing the damn thing. But I'm interested to see what if anything comes of this and still have a lot of the general story in my mind.Chapter Three."God, what now?" Eric asked no one in particular as he walked over to the counter. He leaned over the glass lottery ticket inset, his body tensed for whatever scene he was about to see. His recoiled slightly before he leaned in for a closer look.On the floor was what looked like a puddle of oil half covered by a red t-shirt. He let out a small nervous laugh and turned to face Andy. "Someone just spilled oil or something, looks like they tried to clean it up with a shirt."Andy stood up rubbing his back and went over to take another look "Fuck man I thought it was a body, I just seen clothes and wet dark stuff. With all the weird shit that's going on tonight I though mayb....dude that isn't just a shirt."Eric turned back to look at the mess on the floor. This time he took the time to actually look at what he was seeing and noticed a pair of jeans under the shirt. "Okay so its a shirt and jeans. Maybe someone spilled oil on themselves and had a spare set of clothes in the back and didn't want to track oil all over the store."Andy turned to Eric "Dude there's a bra in that shirt, what chick is gonna strip naked in the middle of a store?" he asked while pointing toward the just visible pink bra strap inside the shirt. "I mean don't get me wrong, I'm all for naked chicks. But this is just weir..ARE THOSE FINGERNAILS DUDE!? FUCK THIS I'M OUT OF HERE!"Andy spun away from the mess and sprinted to the exit, hitting the door so hard he cracked the glass with his elbow. "ANDY wait!" Eric yelled after him as Andy ran across the parking lot."God dammit" Eric muttered as he leaned over the counter again, this time to get the cigarettes he left his place for 45 minutes ago. He looked down at the mess on the floor one last time and noticed three pink fingernails half submerged in the oil stuff. He pulled his last five dollars out of his pocket dropped it on the counter and headed to the door. "Fuck this indeed."Eric spotted Andy hunched over on the sidewalk next to the street, as he walked over to him Andy heaved twice and vomited on the pavement. "Are you okay man?"Andy wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his hoodie "Are you kidding me? No I'm not okay, your not okay, NOTHING is fucking okay dude!" He noticed the puke floating in the air on his "Ghost" hand. "I mean what the fuck? What is this? Did I smoke some bad weed or something?""I hope you didn't because if you did it was some serious stuff because I didn't smoke anything and I have no idea what is going on either." Eric said as he unwrapped his smokes and pulled one out."Well," he said as he lit up the cigarette and took a big drag. "we could go to my place and use my phone. I'm guessing you don't want to go back in the gas station.""Hell no I don't wanna go back in there dude. Who the hell are you gonna call anyway, the Ghostbusters?" Andy asked as he wiped the back of his hand on his pants."I don't know, the police would probably be a good idea first. Then we can call the Ghostbusters. C'mon I live like six blocks away." Eric started walking down Boadway "You coming?"Andy jogged to catch up to him. Eric lit another cigarette of the first one."Chain smoking is gross dude."Eric looked Andy up and down "Says the guy in the paint and vomit covered sweater and dirty jeans. And I haven't had a smoke in like four hours and tonight has been...stressful.""Gimme a break dude, I wear this hoodie to work and get paint on it sometimes. And anyone sane would puke if they seen what I seen, did you see the hair?" Andy asked as he kicked a Coke bottle into the street."What?""Her hair dude, its like she melted into a puddle of goo. I didnt realize it was her hair, just thought it was random shit on the floor under that goo but then I seen the nails and realized that it was a fucking melted person. She was blonde." Andy was breathing much faster then their walking speed warranted."Andy you've got to calm down man..""Why?! Does this look like something I should be calm about?!" Andy shouted as he swung his "Ghost" hand up in front of Eric's face.A light flashed behind Eric's eyes as Andy's hand smacked him in the nose "Oww! Dammit Andy!" he yelled as his head snapped back."Shit! Sorry dude. I didn't mean to hit you, its kinda hard to tell where my hand is. Shit you okay? You bleeding?"Eric ran the back of his hand under his nose and sniffed a couple of times, "No I don't think so...Whoa, Andy your hand.""What?" Andy looked at his hand and noticed that it was glowing. A very faint blue light was emanating from his hand, seeming to come from inside the bones. "Sweet crap dude, what the hell..?"Andy raised his hand and flexed his fingers and watched as the light within moved with them, getting brighter at the joints any time one moved. The light faded after about ten seconds.

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The most important question for me to ask you and for you to consider is "Why do you want to write this story?" Is it solely for your own pleasure or do you hope to go somewhere with it in terms of trying to be a published author?

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Like the thread title says I only started writing it because I was bored and to do something with the characters and scenarios I think up every once in a while. I don't want to publish anything, nor do I think I have anywhere near the skills to get published. Just something to do.