Hi nlerd
happened to be on the street at the moment Eric and Andy passed each other, that person wouldn't know anything about either man unless they told that "someone else" about themselves.
And as for the dialogue being kind of...bland. I'm trying to give the characters more unique voices, I think Andy does "sound" a bit different then Eric at this point though. Dunno if his dropping "dude" and "fuck" left and right is enough though.
I haven't started chapter 3 yet. I'll probably start it later tonight, can't leave my adoring fans in the dark!
The most important question for me to ask you and for you to consider is "Why do you want to write this story?" Is it solely for your own pleasure or do you hope to go somewhere with it in terms of trying to be a published author?
The answer to the question gives very different writing approaches. If you merely wish to write for your own pleasure then just type/write away and do what pleases you. In this context you need please no one but yourself.
If however you harbour any inclination to publish whatsoever then there are very definite rules you can't break (at least not until you have published your 10th bestseller then you can play around a bit).
Probably the most heinous crime and the one I've heard that causes more failed manuscripts than any other, is Crash's comment on point of view. Incorrect/inconsistent use of POV is the hallmark of amateurs, and even seasoned professionals can slip up on this one.
Choosing a POV at the start is critical to how your story is perceived by the readers. First person POV (where you write "I got out of bed, I cleaned my teeth) is intense, you get in the action as the reader - in fact 1st person POV effectively makes you the main character (protagonist). You get close and dirty to the action, you hear all the protagonists’ thoughts and you suffer with him.
The downside is that you can ONLY know what he knows - this needs careful plot handling so you get all the data in that you need in the protagonist's presence. Another downside is that if your main character is an unpleasant piece of work or a moaner/miserable sort, then you force the reader to live with him for the duration of the book. 1st POV stories can be very powerful if you can get it right.
3rd person limited view POV (Harry got out of bed, then Harry cleaned his teeth....not 'I' but still concentrating on the one individual through the whole book) means you follow one character and identify with him - but you don't get to listen to his every moan. I've written a first draft of a novel and the character is semi-alcoholic. The story is about him being framed for murder and him having to unravel the con before the cops stick him away for life - and to do this with his drink problem. So it needs to be from his point of view but not so you can hear his every booze-addled thought - so limited 3rd person POV was my choice here.
Unlimited 3rd person POV means you can flit in and out of everyone's head whenever you like. The advantage is that plot lines are easier as you can go wherever you like. The disadvantages is that readers find it harder to identify with the main character - if indeed there is one, and can be confused over whose POV is being expressed throughout the story.
Finally, God's eye view is like a panoramic camera from above - the reader sees everything and all plotting is relatively simple - but there is often little connection with characters for the reader - if readers don't care for your characters they will switch off very very quickly.
Your story starts with a very confusing POV. It seems to be limited 3rd person from Eric's point of view but can't be otherwise we couldn't possibly know what goes on when he is unconscious. A publisher wouldn't read past your first five paragraphs — they are extremely sensitive to POV misuse. In fact another maxim of the writer’s world is "If you haven't grabbed your publisher by the end of the first paragraph - you've blown it — and if you’ve grabbed him for the wrong reason — you’ve still blown it."
Hope this is of help....there are other things to consider too, such as characterisation, realistic dialogue, plot and narrative voice - happy to give feedback if you wish but think I've gone on long enough here....
™ Version 4.2
(1)