I'm writing a story because I'm bored.

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Chapter One

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Eric Hughes, a perennial night owl, was walking to the gas station at 3:30 am to spend most of his last five dollars on a pack of cigarettes when he noticed a man in dirty jeans and a paint spattered hoodie walking toward him on the sidewalk. "Hello" he said hoping to get nothing more then a "Hello" in return.

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The first sentence is too long and looses impact as it creaks along. I would stop after cigarettes.

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Haha good thing that dude was stoned out of his mind. Eric thought as he passed the other man. He let his mind drift back to whether a goose or a squirrel would win in a no holds barred deathmatch that he he had been thinking about before he was interrupted by the stoner. When not twenty feet after they passed each other the night was lit by an explosion to the west of them. Eric dove for cover under some bushes lining the lawn of a nearby house.

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Good. Creates curiosity to read on very soon. Your on your way!

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Show, don't tell. If Eric is a "perennial night owl", show that he's a night owl - don't just say he is.

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Doesn't this depend if its a movie screenplay [show, don't tell applies] - or a novel? In the latter one can write in the third person.

Don't you think your example is of a movie, where the 'show don't say' is mandatory. But this is not so in a third person telling in a novel, e.g Shakespeare. The third person writer can add embellishments independent of the dialogue as deeper cadence of the action.

IMHO, OI is a good writer with an engaging style. One relates to his earthy imagery, which does not lack instances of contemporary literary brilliance. I am looking forward to the next chapter - I hope the story matches the great writing style. Edited by IamJoseph, : No reason given.

I guess a writer's spin rules, it is transcendent of the rules, whether this is pitched in show, tell or as V/O or flashback. At the same time, leaving bits and bytes to the imagination is the most powerful: we hardly saw the jaws in Jaws, the music spoke loads of what we 'imagined' was coming but never did. At this point of the story, I am wondering what an invisible hand downtown signifies - we are at the writer's mercy.

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you make them think they're the ones who figured it out.

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Correcto. And I feel he's done that: the reader is wondering more than the lagging details give. Now the story's real plot must deliver - there has to be a turning point which takes us far beyond the two confounded characters. I hope its not another alien thing.