EvC Forum: On feeling sorry for people

RobinRohan writes:

A few weeks ago I went with my wife to the VA hospital locally (she was signing up for benefits). While she was filling out paperwork, I wandered around. I happened to go out this door into a sort of patio, and there I saw a lot of old men. Many of them were missing limbs. They didn't look like they had much money either. Shabbily dressed. Veterans of some war or other.
It was terrible. My heart went out to them.

Yes. Often we run into people that are victims of tragedy of one sort or another. For me, personally, I interact only when I feel an unction to do so. I dont go around second guessing myself. If I interact with some and ignore others, it is only because I can't give everyone my attention and I feel that God has drawn me to certain people. Let Him be my judge.

robinrohan writes:

I was in their presence only for a couple of minutes. It was the vision that stuck with me. And anyway, I'm not in the habit of going around asking strangers personal questions.

None of us knows what we would do in any given situation unless we go through it. My friend in the inner city went up to 7-11 with his sons the other day. While in the store, some teenage boys (15-16) came in the store, blood pouring out of them. One boys eye was gone...there was a hole going in the front and out the back of his head. He had been shot in a random driveby just outside the store.

It will never make the local papers. Stuff like this goes on every day. My friend did not get involved, but was an observer. The police came, as well as the ambulance. Was he wrong for not getting involved? Am I wrong for talking to who I talk to and ignoring others?

In the end, each of us will be called to give an account for our actions and interactions with others. I don't wish to judge any of you, and I don't want you judging me. There is but One judge.

ohnhai writes:

It’s fine that you noticed them. And that may have changed you. But what would it have cost to let them know that someone other than the nurse who does the daily bloods (how I hate blood tests) noticed their existence.

Thats certainly something to ponder. There may be many instances in my life where I could or should have done or said more. There are doubtlessly other times when I have said or done too much. Gotten involved and stirred up an emotional tempest. Again, I am not even a good judge on my OWN human fallibility.

robinrohan writes:

Well, I would think that if there were such a being as Jesus, He's probably very compassionate.

Yes, He is. And I can't even begin to love people as much as He does. All I can do is communicate as the Spirit moves me.

jar writes:

I was once visiting my Great-Aunt (lived to be well over 100 years old) only to find her sleeping or busy or something. So I was leaving the nursing home and I passed an old gentleman in a wheelchair. I stopped and talked for awhile and it turned out he had lived in Texas while it was still frontier, still the wild west. It was fascinating and I learned a lot about what the Rio Grande Valley was like before all the folk moved in.

In the earlier thread I was trying to point out that there is another viewpoint one can take beyond simply feeling sorry for folk. In particular, there is a wealth of instituional knowledge in our older folk. We are rapidly losing the Willies and Joes, the knowledge of the depression, of the expanse of the nation. Remember that Oklahoma and New Mexico and Arizona only became states after 1900.

History moves further back everyday. And so much of it is not written, not recorded except in the minds of those that lived it.

Very true. We live in the age of information, yet there is no computer on earth that can preserve our heritage, our purpose and destiny, and our empathy better than shared experiences talking with others.

We all miss great opportunities every day.

Faith writes:

I am not socially adept at some kinds of interaction. Better do nothing than do something that makes the situation worse.

There have been times when I have helped someone only to cause that person to become co-dependant on me. Before I knew it, my initial attempt at showing care and concern pulled me and my liferaft under the current. I simply can't offer a place for people to live. Thats why I never give the people whom I talk to my address or phone number. Sometimes it hurts me to say no. Sometimes I feel as if I am selfish. Sometimes I ask myself what my motives and intentions really are.

Ringo writes:

Treating somebody different because they "are" different is a sin of omission.

I am drawn to talk to young people more than I am adults. I don't see it as a crime. I don't go out of my way to help people whom I am not drawn to. My prayer in this situation would be to have God broaden my perception of who I should approach. Im not gonna beat myself up because I avoid homeless beggars and cheerfully talk to urban gangstas.

Ringo writes:

The best way to "help" a blind person or a person in a wheelchair is to stay the hell out of their way. They wouldn't be out on the street if they couldn't take care of themselves.

Once I was working in a 7-11. I was the only clerk on duty and there was a huge line. A man in a wheelchair came in the store. He was paralyzed from the neck down. He operated the chair with switches near his mouth. As I saw him struggling to get an item, I abandoned the line and went and got it for him. IIRC, I was not feeling sorry for him, except that he obviously needed help and I was the only one that would help him. He never thanked me, nor did I care. One man in the long line muttered "Unbelievable". I think all of us feel empathy for handicapped people, There is a big difference between sympathy and empathy.

robinrohan writes:

I don't want to talk to that homeless guy, I don't talk to them. I am not missing out on anything. Will I give him a dollar or two, sure, probably make him happier then talking to him.

There are times when I may want to talk to someone and the Spirit (or my internal conscience) tells me not to approach them. I think it boils down to trusting our inner voice, really...

NeuroCycle writes:

Usually people start conversations with me and usually pertaining with something to do with work/school/interest I like. Then I start talking.
I am outgoing once I know someone.

Conversations for me are entirely sporadic. It does not matter so much who the person is or what they look like. It matters if I am in the mood to talk or not. Like now....

Ringo writes:

I find it easiest to talk to people who screw up their own thoughts.

THATS why you like EvC so much, eh, Ringo!

Ringo writes:

I walk past a hundred people every day without talking to them. When somebody admires my shirt, I have an oppurtunity to continue the conversation.
My point was that I didn't see those people as "different", uninteresting, pitiable, etc.

Thats a good point. We are all people. We are all the same.

docpotato writes:

It's just unfortunate that you have not earned my favor and, as such, my endless loyalty and a chance to be around my exemplary moral character.

I live in Colorado, Doc!

We may just walk past each other one day! If I don't recognize you, its because of the avatar!

I like the Gary Cooper story, Omni!

Ringo writes:

Give a man a fish....
In the long run, treating a man like a man does him a lot more good than a handout.

Im slowly learning this to be true...

Omni writes:

Finally, at her 103rd birthday party, she motioned me close, and said, "You know, boy, you're right. We're all God's people."

WOW! Thats such a cool story! Made my day!

Ringo writes:

Go back to the veterans. They don't "need" anything from you except the recognition that their lives and limbs haven't been wasted. The only way you can "give" that is by interaction.

Thats why I like talking to the kids at the detention center. They don't need anything from anybody except respect and encouragement.

Neurocycle writes:

My brother returned from a year in Iraq 5 months ago. He doesn't need recognition, he hated the Army and hated what he did there. He would rather you not talk about it. He hated praise for it.

This is an example of a person that I would have to get to know before I talked to them! Some folks are easier to approach than are others.

Ringo writes:

I'll mention children again. Children need attention. They need to know that they matter. It's no different for veterans or for anybody else. We are all social animals.
There is a difference between a society and a collection of cliques.

I took a class in Social Psychology once. I learned a lot of interesting stuff, but nothing stuck in my mind that I can recall right now.

Neurocycle writes:

You can tell how I am since I registered for this site about a year ago and only have 60 odd posts... and half of them from today, not to mention I lurked a year prior to registering.

I respect that, neurocycle! I talk too much, myself!

Tusko writes:

I don't think it's fair to assume the old men wanted to be talked to. It even seems vaguely patronising to imagine that they'd jump at the chance to have a bit of nice human contact with someone new.

This would be for Robin to decide at that moment in time when he met them. He may not have missed an opportunity so much as he dealt with the situation within his best judgemnt at that moment.

We may have people here at EvC who are in wheelchairs and we may never know them in that light since we only read their words.

messenjah of one writes:

On a board with supposed intellectuals I find it lacking. I wish to talk a spell. Some of the older folk may not enjoy what I will say because your minds have begun to degrade into a linear pattern.

Are you kidding? You NEVER want to talk! I have yet to hold a decent conversation with you, CSP. We dont even know each other yet, and all this time I thought we did! But then again, thats human nature. If I met you on the street, you may talk to me, and you may not. I never second guess my intentions.

As far as Hendrix goes, start a new thread on lyrics and THEN maybe we can talk.

messenjah of one writes:

Someone should start a thread on identity because I guess human drama and individualism is inescapable.

OK. Whose identity should the thread be about? The written interaction in Robins thread here has certainly shown us more of his character, as well as a delightful glimpse into other EvC regulars... (But thats getting Robins thread off topic, so dont answer me)

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