Humor V

I am sure there must already be a joke about Yoga positions and Mohler having his head up his own arse......or something.

If it was not for QI, I would never have noticed it.

If I was a being from another planet with super-advanced technology - I would be mighty disappointed if I had to use YouTube to communicate with Barack Obama.But I am very impressed with the amount of plastic surgery she was willing to go through, in order to resemble a human being.{abe}
I think this is by her too.

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The serpent of the Bible is in reality the subtle transverse wave of phonon magnetic fields (photon magnetic fields are far more excited and energetic and as such hotter) which are cold dark matter with cool energy (1,000 degrees Kelvin at most), the mediators of darkness and our contracted awareness of reality. Phonons emit radio frequencies that sound like a white noise hiss, that is why the etymology of the serpent in Hebrew is "hisser." Snakes move in transverse waves as well. It is clear that the story of creation is in reality the story of the physics of creation and and explanation of the causes of human conditions experienced on Earth as result of dark matter imposed intellectual and spiritual blindness. In and of themselves phonons are essential for creation to have contrast and form and as such no evil really exists. It is merely our ability to imagine evil that imposes evil conditions where none otherwise would exists, our minds have that kind of creative power!!!

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ForbiddenEdited by Panda, : No reason given.

I've not heard that saying before, but it made me chuckle - I will use it without your permission!! In exchange you can have one of my favourite phrases:
"As wet as an otter's pocket."
i.e. I pulled my cat from the pond and he was as wet as an otter's pocket. NB: Can be used in a sexual context too, but that would make you a bad person and otters would shun you.

I use "like death warmed up" which means the same, i.e. Re-heated.
Not sure why re-heated is bad.
It might relate to: Warmed-over flavor - Wikipedia

I like the 'bears favour' - I don't think there is an english version.Languages come up with some really weird sayings.e.g.
"You are teaching your grandmother to suck eggs"
which means
"You are giving advice to an expert"Completely mental.

Duane Gish

I did think of carrot - but I thought Duane Gish would be a more interesting answer. Anyway, I knew the trick which meant I was guaranteed to think 'carrot'.
(But I did think 'carrot' the first time I saw the trick too.)

And if asked "Name an animal that lives in the jungle.", the majority of people will say 'lion' - and lions don't even live in jungles.

Oi!
Get you own joke!!I thought 'pliers' - but I have just been using pliers.

I said that very same thing to the other lads as they struggled to get out of the trench after being ordered to cross no-man's land...

Me too. It was last Saturday. Me too. It was last Tuesday.All true.

This might be a UK only joke :S

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And God called the firmament Heaven. And the evening and the morning were the second day. And God said, Let the waters under the heaven be gathered together unto one place, and let the dry land appear: and it was so. And God called the dry land Earth; and the gathering together of the waters called he Seas: and God saw that it was good.

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Occasionally, when I want to make fun of poor English prose, I say (in a stilted child's voice) something like: "Today I went to the zoo. And there was a lion. And it went roar. And then I ate ice cream. And it was good. And then I went home. And then I went to bed. The end."I had not noticed until now, how similar it is to the style of writing in Genesis.

I realise that this is not E or C related but it happened today...There were two girls in front of me in the breakfast queue, discussing the lottery:Well, yeah, I know it’s luckier to use your birthday and your phone number, but mine is 2111198139544997743, and how likely does that sound to come up?