a mixture of rich love and firm dicipline that does not include physical pain/punishment.
Sometimes it does work. Alot of it is dependent on the parent/child relationship. And I dare say that spanking is the last option, but that doesn't negate its effectiveness.
The two alternatives are NOT hitting your children or letting them do whatever they want.
Let me ask you, then, how you can discipline your kids if they have no respect for you because they have no fear of reprisal? I don't know if you've ever seen that Nanny show, I think it might be on ABC, but the English Nanny comes to the home of parents of unruly children. The singular problem, every time without fail, is that the parents are push-overs. They don't know how to gain their children's respect.
Can you seriously think of nothing else that might be effective other than hitting in teaching a child?
Did I say that? Didn't I offer other solutions prior to that option? Talking to kids and teaching them how to share and how to show respect to their peers is pinnacle. However, children, all children, will at some point try to test the boundary. Parents have to be consistent. Without consistency it confuses the child into thinking that rules are based on the 'mood' of the parents. That's neither fair to the child or the parent. Something like throwing an object at their sibling should always result in a form of punishment to solidify in the mind of the child that its always unacceptable to throw things.
But if the kids have no respect for the parents, its because they weren't firm with them. Spanking is effective, and if done properly, will not effect the child in a damaging way.
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They already hit! That's because spanking has no correlation to violence if done properly.
Spanking is violence. Using pain to control is using pain to control. Hitting is hitting.
You are misusing it. That's like saying everyone that eats is gluttonous because one has to eat in order to be gluttonous. That's an unfair mischaracterization.
I was spanked a lot and believe you me, I always understood it to be painful and humiliating and violent.
Well, I don;t know how your parents used it. From what I can gather, it seems that you harbor some resentment over that. I can only surmise that your parents went overboard or used it inappropriately. You also mention humiliation. There is definitely a time when spanking needs to end. There is no definitive age because all kids are different. Spanking should be associated with violence. Usually, we see parents very angry when they spank their child. That's how it has come to this. Its parents not spanking correctly.
Lots of research shows that people who receive corporal punishment as children are more likely to use violence to solve problems as adults.
That's all dependent on what constitutes 'corporal punishment.' Again, if you hit kids inappropriately, then sure, there is a high probability that they will become violent in the future. At the same time, if you don't establish a strong baseline from the beginning, that parents are the boss for a reason, I would dare say that they are even more likely to grow up as violent bullies because no one puts their butt in check. I've seen it a lot and there is no one else to blame other than the parent.
So, what do you do if the older kid swats the younger kid on the thigh or buttocks?
Explain to them that they have no right to administer any kind of punishment on their sibling. My daughter tries to assert dominance over her little brother in many ways. She tries to boss him around, but she knows that its not her place. The one thing she doesn't do is try to spank him. We nipped that one in the bud along time ago.
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Now, my sisters kids try to punch her in the face and no one has layed a hand on those kids.
Then she is too permissive with them and hasn't taught them not to do that.
It depends on the child. For instance, my nephew is very mild-mannered and is generally a very sweet kid. My niece is a little firecracker though. She is very strong willed and wants her way. So with my nephew, a stern talking to usually gets the job done. With my niece, she's already figured out that my sister doesn't follow through with her threats, because they're veiled. This puts my brother-in-law in the unfair position of being the sole disciplinarian. Because my sister can't handle her kids, she waits til her husband gets home so he can discipline them. That's a bunch of crap. First of all, the punishment should always fit the crime. Secondly, you don't delay punishment. It should be immediate. Thirdly, the one thing he wants to do when he comes home is to love on the kids, not discipline them for something he had nothing to do with.
Again, you are presenting a false dichotomy. There is a great deal of middle ground between hitting children to control and punish them on the one hand, and letting children do whatever they want and not teaching them to behave well towards others on the other hand.
I'm not trying to present a false dichotomy here. I think the problem is there are so many variables we're dealing with. Not every child is the same. Some children are just naturally more assertive than others. Therefore, punishment should be tailored to each child and it should fit with whatever they did. For some kids, a stern talking to is enough to make a lasting impression that Mommy or Daddy is serious and that they love me and don't want to do that because I could hurt. Other kids want to push the limit. You have to push back or you will lose their respect. Kids want to respect their parents. I'm confident that they don't know that consciously, but its there. And some kids will push it until the edge. A good and proper spanking works. It may not work for all, it may be overkill for some, and I think everyone should be mindful of that. However, the blanket statement that spanking makes kids violent is left wanting.
What if he shoves her around a little bit, or grabs her arm a little hard, or maybe gives her a little tap on the back of the head with his hand? He's only trying to help her understand how upset he is with her and how much something she said or did hurt him. He loves her so much that sometimes he has to show her how much she's hurt or dissappointed him, just so she knows for the future what to do or not do to hurt or disappoint him again.
As a guideline, I'd say you don't administer any kind of corporal punishment to adults or teenagers. Its simply ineffective and demeaning. So if ever her boyfriend did any of those things, regardless of his plea, she should seriously consider getting out of that before she winds up as terrible statistic. We've all heard of or known women who allow their spouse or significant other to abuse them. She protects the dirtbag when what she needs to do is get out of that relationship. I don't see how that reflects spanking, though.
Faith is not a pathetic sentiment, but robust, vigorous confidence built on the fact that God is holy love. You cannot see Him just now, you cannot fully understand what He's doing, but you know that you know Him." -Oswald Chambers
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