I don't know if this will help at all. I'm not even sure yet what I think about my next statements because I just came across the idea today....
This is an section taken out of the book "The Church in Emerging Culture." from the essay entitled "under the heaven tree" by Frederica Mathewes-Green.
"Will everyone spend eternity in the presence of God?
Everyone will spend eternity in the presence of God. No place exists apart from God's presence, even now. There is no separate corner in the afterlife where demons will be allowed to torture humans forever because that would be a reward for the Evil One. He is not rewarded but defeated.....
What, then is hell?
Our God is a consuming fire. Those who have turned to Christ and prepared themselves in this life will experience that river of fire as light, warmth, and life. We see a glimpse of what this is like in Christ's trnsfiguration on Mount Tabor. This life is a process of turning increasingly toward Christ, learning to bear that uncreated light, getting the impurities out of our lump of coal. We must grow stronger and learn to bear his fire. Those who have not accepted Christ will experience his presence as burning and darkness and gnashing of teeth. All misery of this life and the next is due to not knowing Christ."
I'm not sure if I agree with some of the ideas in this text, but it makes me stop and think for a moment. God did not create a place of punishment for humans. He is a fire that we have to learn how to handle, and our failure to prepare ourselves to come into his presence is what causes the suffering. No matter what pop theology will tell you there is no watering down the difficulty of living a Christian life. I believe that Christians probably have a worse time dealing with themselves internally than anyone else. Christians spend their lives burning internally with all the things that God says are wrong and so when they come into his presence all the things that would burn away are already gone. Non-Christians haven't prepared themselves and therefore they cannot handle the fire of God.
Like I said, the thoughts are probably far from complete, but it does give one something to consider.