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Author | Topic: Humour VI | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
hooah212002 Member (Idle past 830 days) Posts: 3193 Joined: |
I would have said Moose but I didn't want to get banned from the Coffee House lol.
Edited by hooah212002, : No reason given."Why don't you call upon your God to strike me? Oh, I forgot it's because he's fake like Thor, so bite me" -Greydon Square
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AZPaul3 Member Posts: 8563 From: Phoenix Joined: Member Rating: 4.7 |
Oops. Well, hooah, it's been nice talking with ya.
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cavediver Member (Idle past 3672 days) Posts: 4129 From: UK Joined: |
#2 made me spit coffee
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IamJoseph Member (Idle past 3697 days) Posts: 2822 Joined: |
>Property
> > Two Texans are sitting on a plane from Dallas and an old Jewish > Texan is sitting between them. The first Texan says, 'My name is Roger. I own 250,000 acres. I have 1,000 head of cattle and they > call my place The Jolly Roger.' > The second Texan says, 'My name is John. I own 350,000 acres. I have> 5,000 head of cattle and they call my place Big John's.' > > They both look down at the Jewish man who says, 'My name is Irving and > I own only 300 acres.' Roger looks down at him and say, '300 Acres? > What do you raise?' > 'Nothing' Irving says. 'Well then, what do you call it?' Asked John. > 'Downtown Dallas.'> > > > _________________ > > > >Doctor's Orders > > A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa. 'The material we > put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most > > of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks > corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat > diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm > caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing > that is the most dangerous of all, and we all have eaten, or will eat. > Would anyone care to guess what food causes the most grief and > suffering for years after eating it?' > > > > After several seconds of quiet, a small 75-year-old Jewish man in > the front row, raised his hand and said, 'Vedding Cake?' > > > > __________________________ > > >Miracle Cure > > > Doctor Bloom who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis > had waiting room full of people when a little old lady, completely > bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her > turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and,amazingly, > emerged within half an hour walking completely erect with her > head held high. > A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to> the little old lady and said, 'It's a miracle! You walked in bent in > half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?' > She answered, 'Miracle, shmiracle . . . he gave me a longer cane.
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IamJoseph Member (Idle past 3697 days) Posts: 2822 Joined: |
quote: Agreed. Thus, honor, not automatic biological love, is mandated in the 3rd C from Sinai.
quote: Disagreed. There is no alternative to Creationism from a scientific POV. It is the theologies, not Genesis, which are in disarray.
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Dogmafood Member (Idle past 377 days) Posts: 1815 From: Ontario Canada Joined:
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Disagreed. There is no alternative to Creationism from a scientific POV. It is the theologies, not Genesis, which are in disarray. I was going to chide you for misplacing your post but then I saw the humour in it.
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bluescat48 Member (Idle past 4218 days) Posts: 2347 From: United States Joined: |
The apparent sarcastic quote was in response to a question :
Why should I believe in something that is only 90% accurate? unk speaker Edited by bluescat48, : misplaced punctThere is no better love between 2 people than mutual respect for each other WT Young, 2002 Who gave anyone the authority to call me an authority on anything. WT Young, 1969 Since Evolution is only ~90% correct it should be thrown out and replaced by Creation which has even a lower % of correctness. W T Young, 2008
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New Cat's Eye Inactive Member |
I think I've found an exception to Rule 34:
Been too busy to participate lately...
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AZPaul3 Member Posts: 8563 From: Phoenix Joined: Member Rating: 4.7 |
Musaceae Bris!
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cavediver Member (Idle past 3672 days) Posts: 4129 From: UK Joined: |
I think I've found an exception to Rule 34: You'd think so, but I remember this documentary involving a New York madame and a cheese grater
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nlerd Member (Idle past 3633 days) Posts: 48 From: Minnesota Joined: |
Do you think koala farts smell like cough drops?
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IamJoseph Member (Idle past 3697 days) Posts: 2822 Joined: |
HA!
A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a "seven-hundred-ten". We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?' She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.' She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there. The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'. She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' the mechanic fainted If you're not sure what a 710 is...... 7l0. Edited by IamJoseph, : No reason given.
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rueh Member (Idle past 3690 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined: |
I love Steve Martin. Wasn't for sure to post this in the humor or the music that moves you thread. Enjoy.
'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
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bluescat48 Member (Idle past 4218 days) Posts: 2347 From: United States Joined: |
Hail! the Blues, Hail! Rock 'n Roll!!!!!
There is no better love between 2 people than mutual respect for each other WT Young, 2002 Who gave anyone the authority to call me an authority on anything. WT Young, 1969 Since Evolution is only ~90% correct it should be thrown out and replaced by Creation which has even a lower % of correctness. W T Young, 2008
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dwise1 Member Posts: 5952 Joined: Member Rating: 5.2 |
Actually, that's not true. For example, there are the songs written by Dan Barker, former fundamentalist minister and songwriter, now "America's Leading Atheist" and co-president of the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF). I once heard his "You Can't Win with Original Sin" on the radio (back when Atheists United still had their 15 minutes of air-time once a week); as I recall, it ends with something like "If your god can damn me, then he can damn you just as easily too." I also found one of his songs on YouTube, It's Only Natural.
Here's the list of his songs on Dan Barker's FFRF bio page -- two of the songs are available for free download:
quote: As for Steve Martin's line of "atheists watch football ... " Nope, sorry, hell no! I'm not a believer!
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