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Author Topic:   Humour VI
rueh
Member
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


Message 58 of 553 (607515)
03-04-2011 10:38 AM


Save the Earth
Recent studies have shown a positive correlation between happiness and longevity. source Studies have also shown that we are reaching a population limit here on Earth.source
So conversely if people were a little less happy, than Earths population may begin to decline. Won't you take a few minutes out of your day to help save the Earth by telling someone to go fuck themselves?


'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
Replies to this message:
 Message 59 by Straggler, posted 03-04-2011 1:11 PM rueh has responded

rueh
Member
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


Message 60 of 553 (607547)
03-04-2011 2:04 PM
Reply to: Message 59 by Straggler
03-04-2011 1:11 PM


Re: Save the Earth
Straggler writes:

Happy now?

No, thus you have done your job and helped to save the Earth. Good job.


'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
This message is a reply to:
 Message 59 by Straggler, posted 03-04-2011 1:11 PM Straggler has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 61 by Straggler, posted 03-04-2011 2:15 PM rueh has acknowledged this reply

rueh
Member
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


Message 224 of 553 (620340)
06-15-2011 3:57 PM


God and Adam
God
said, "Adam, I
want you to do
something for
Me."

Adam
said, "Gladly,
Lord, what do You
want me to do?"

God
said, "Go down
into that valley."

Adam said, "What's
a valley?"

God explained it to
him. Then God said,
"Cross the
river."

Adam said, "What's a
river?"

God explained that
to him, and then said,
"Go over to the
hill...."

Adam said, "What is a
hill?"

So, God explained to
Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the
other side of the hill you will find a cave."

Adam said, 'What's a
cave?'

After God explained,
He said, "In the cave
you will find a woman."

Adam said, "What's a
woman?'

So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, 'I
want you to
reproduce."

Adam said, "How do
I do that?"

God first said (under
His breath), "Geez....."

And then,
just like everything else, God explained that to
Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down
into
the valley,

across the river, and
over the hill,
into the
cave, and finds the
woman.

Then, in
about five minutes, he was back.

God,
His patience
wearing thin, said
angrily, "What is
it
now?"

And Adam said....
What's a headache?


'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
rueh
Member
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


(1)
Message 225 of 553 (620341)
06-15-2011 4:00 PM


A real woman
A real woman is a man's best friend.

She will never stand him up and never let him down.

She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day.

She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret.

She will enable him to express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

She will make sure he always feels as though he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible...

No wait...Sorry. I'm thinking of beer. It's beer that does all that shit . . . Never mind.


'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
rueh
Member
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


Message 328 of 553 (631257)
08-31-2011 7:31 AM


atheists don't have no songs
I love Steve Martin. Wasn't for sure to post this in the humor or the music that moves you thread. Enjoy.


'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX

Replies to this message:
 Message 329 by bluescat48, posted 08-31-2011 10:50 AM rueh has not yet responded
 Message 330 by dwise1, posted 08-31-2011 3:19 PM rueh has responded

rueh
Member
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


Message 331 of 553 (631312)
08-31-2011 3:38 PM
Reply to: Message 330 by dwise1
08-31-2011 3:19 PM


Re: atheists don't have no songs
I don't think it has to be factually correct in order for it to be funny Thanks for the list of songs. I've never heard of Dan Barker, I'll have to check out his music.

dwise1 writes:

As for Steve Martin's line of "atheists watch football ... " Nope, sorry, hell no! I'm not a believer!

Obviously you've never watched LFL football .

Edited by rueh, : My grammer sucks


'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX

This message is a reply to:
 Message 330 by dwise1, posted 08-31-2011 3:19 PM dwise1 has not yet responded

rueh
Member
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


Message 368 of 553 (635689)
09-30-2011 3:39 PM
Reply to: Message 367 by ProtoTypical
09-30-2011 3:31 PM


LOL So enslaving just one wife is fine and dandy then. I can't wait to get home tonight and let her know that I won't be unlocking the handcuffs after all.

Edited by rueh, : No reason given.


'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
Opening your mind to imagination shouldn't close it to reality.
It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff

This message is a reply to:
 Message 367 by ProtoTypical, posted 09-30-2011 3:31 PM ProtoTypical has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 369 by ProtoTypical, posted 09-30-2011 3:48 PM rueh has not yet responded

rueh
Member
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


(1)
Message 378 of 553 (636383)
10-06-2011 7:49 AM


The Haircut
One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.


'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
Opening your mind to imagination shouldn't close it to reality.
It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff

rueh
Member
Posts: 382
From: universal city tx
Joined: 03-03-2008


(2)
Message 500 of 553 (643483)
12-07-2011 11:28 AM


Truisms
It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame.

You're not drunk
if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.

We have enough "youth". How about a fountain of "smart"?

The original point and click interface
was a Smith & Wesson.

A Fool and his money
can throw one heck of a party

Five days a week my body is a temple.
The other two it's an amusement park.

LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKES
USE BIRTH CONTROL

Money isn't everything,
but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Don't Drink and Drive
You might hit a bump and spill something.

If at first you don't succeed
skydiving is not for you

Reality is only an illusion
that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.

Red meat is not bad for you;
fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers
give the rest a bad name.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge
to produce reproductive organs.

Alabama state motto:

At least we're not Mississippi

ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NO
MATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY.

The latest survey shows that
three out of four people make
up 75% of the population

You know why a banana is like a politician? He comes in and first he's green, then he turns yellow
and then he's rotten.

I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,
you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could
identify their corporate sponsors.

The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected
Is that they would 'hate' to have to make a living
under the laws they've passed.


'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat'
The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ
The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX
Opening your mind to imagination shouldn't close it to reality.
It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff

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