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Author | Topic: Humour VI | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ramoss Member (Idle past 642 days) Posts: 3228 Joined: |
In Honor of Alan Sues, who just passed away
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Larni Member Posts: 4000 From: Liverpool Joined:
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And the Barman says "ain't I seen you already?"
A neutrino walks into a bar. Courtesy of Arthur Smith BBC 4Extra. The above ontological example models the zero premise to BB theory. It does so by applying the relative uniformity assumption that the alleged zero event eventually ontologically progressed from the compressed alleged sub-microscopic chaos to bloom/expand into all of the present observable order, more than it models the Biblical record evidence for the existence of Jehovah, the maximal Biblical god designer. -Attributed to Buzsaw Message 53 Moreover that view is a blatantly anti-relativistic one. I'm rather inclined to think that space being relative to time and time relative to location should make such a naive hankering to pin-point an ultimate origin of anything, an aspiration that is not even wrong. Well, Larni, let's say I much better know what I don't want to say than how exactly say what I do.
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Shield Member (Idle past 2892 days) Posts: 482 Joined:
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, I think I’ve lost an electron. The other says, Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive (a variation: A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Upon being asked the price, the bartender responded, For you? No charge.) Can't remember where i got those from, but its saved in my jokes textfile.
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AZPaul3 Member Posts: 8564 From: Phoenix Joined: Member Rating: 5.1 |
Anyone with something funny to post, this is the place. Well I suppose if you insist: Last week in the sleepy little west Texas town of Gentry, just northwest of Amarillo, a cowboy walked into town wearing nothing but his hat and his boots. This created a bit of a stir since there was a Christian Youth Association group comprised mostly of 12 to 14 year-old girls going shop to shop distributing Abstinence pamphlets, but this has nothing to do with what happened next so we'll just ignore that. The Sheriff approached the cowboy and, after looking him up and down drawled out a Tsk, tsk. Not in my town, and led the cowboy off to jail. After the usual writing of the reports and the paperwork, the mug shots, neck up only, the Sheriff sat the cowboy down in the Talkin' Room and said, OK, Leroy. That was the cowboy's name and the Sheriff deemed it appropriate to call him that. OK, Leroy. Go and explain for me what's going on here. Why you come into my town dressed eh not dressed the way you was? Sheriff had given Leroy one of them black and white striped jail-house jump suits so he wasn't so offensive now, but this has nothing to do with what happened next either so we'll just ignore that, too. Well, said Leroy knowing the Sheriff was talking to him since he called him by his name, was looking right at him and there wasn't anyone else in the room. Well, I was at Crystal's Saloon few hours ago and met me a cute little filly named Betsy. We had a few and talked awhile then she asked me to take her home. When we got into her house she took off her shirt and said, 'OK, Cowboy. Take off your shirt.' So I did. Then she took off her pants and said, 'OK, Cowboy. Take off your pants.' So I did. Then she laid out on the couch and said, 'OK, Cowboy. Go to town.' So here I am." Edited by AZPaul3, : No reason given.
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rueh Member (Idle past 3691 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined:
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It's not whether you win or lose,
but how you place the blame. You're not drunkif you can lie on the floor without holding on. We have enough "youth". How about a fountain of "smart"? The original point and click interfacewas a Smith & Wesson. A Fool and his moneycan throw one heck of a party Five days a week my body is a temple.The other two it's an amusement park. LEARN FROM YOUR PARENTS' MISTAKESUSE BIRTH CONTROL Money isn't everything,but it sure keeps the kids in touch. Don't Drink and DriveYou might hit a bump and spill something. If at first you don't succeedskydiving is not for you Reality is only an illusionthat occurs due to a lack of alcohol. We are born naked, wet and hungry.Then things get worse. Red meat is not bad for you;fuzzy green meat is bad for you. Ninety-nine percent of all lawyersgive the rest a bad name. Xerox and Wurlitzer will mergeto produce reproductive organs. Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE IS NOMATCH FOR NATURAL STUPIDITY. The latest survey shows thatthree out of four people make up 75% of the population You know why a banana is like a politician? He comes in and first he's green, then he turns yellowand then he's rotten. I think Congressmen should wear uniforms,you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors. The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-electedIs that they would 'hate' to have to make a living under the laws they've passed. 'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX Opening your mind to imagination shouldn't close it to reality. It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff |
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frako Member (Idle past 336 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined: |
lol i think its funny Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand |
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onifre Member (Idle past 2981 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Louis Ck on evolution:
The next big thing, keep an eye out for this guy, Hannibal Buress. Developing a show with Jonah Hill: OWS's own, Ted Alexandro: One of the best ever, Maria Bamfooooo (Bamford): - Oni
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Omnivorous Member Posts: 3992 From: Adirondackia Joined: Member Rating: 7.5
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So I'm going somewhere with my wife I don't want to go, but I said I'd go.
She says I don't have to go if I don't want to go. I say. I said I'd go, I'll go. We go. I'm bitching from the moment we get in the car. Finally, she slams on the brakes and screams, "Why are you acting like an asshole?!" I scream back, "I'M NOT ACTING!" We sat there and laughed for five minutes. Had a great night."If you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs, you can collect a lot of heads."
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Dogmafood Member (Idle past 379 days) Posts: 1815 From: Ontario Canada Joined: |
From an email;
Hi Sweetheart, I am sorry about getting into an argument about putting up the Christmas lights. I guess that sometimes I feel like you are pushing me too hard when you want something.I realize that I was wrong and I am apologizing for being such a hard-headed guy. All I want is for you to be happy and be able to enjoy the holiday season. Nothing brightens the Christmas spirit like Christmas lights! I took the time to hang the lights for you today and now I will be off to the golf course. Again, I am very sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I'll be home later. Love you. . . . Edited by AdminAsgara, : fixed img link issue
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Shield Member (Idle past 2892 days) Posts: 482 Joined:
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hooah212002 Member (Idle past 831 days) Posts: 3193 Joined:
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Put the FSM back in Chrifsmas |
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subbie Member (Idle past 1285 days) Posts: 3509 Joined: |
From deadspin
Joe Amendola, the attorney for Jerry Sandusky who thus far has been lawyerin' like a man who got his J.D. from the bottom of a cereal box, did some more lawyerin' in front of the cameras this morning. The choicest moment: At one point, Amendola discussed the possibility that Mike McQueary witnessed a rape, told Joe Paterno and two university administrators, and no one did anything except tell Sandusky to stay out of the locker room with kids. To anyone who believes that version of events, Amendola said, "I suggest you dial 1-800-REALITY." We did. Here's what we got:
Hey guys, welcome to the hottest place for triple-X action. Get ready for bulging, bursting pleasure with horny gay, bi, and bi-curious studs. Just 99 cents per minute. Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. -- Thomas Jefferson We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat It has always struck me as odd that fundies devote so much time and effort into trying to find a naturalistic explanation for their mythical flood, while looking for magical explanations for things that actually happened. -- Dr. Adequate ...creationists have a great way to detect fraud and it doesn't take 8 or 40 years or even a scientific degree to spot the fraud--'if it disagrees with the bible then it is wrong'.... -- archaeologist |
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hooah212002 Member (Idle past 831 days) Posts: 3193 Joined:
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Put the FSM back in Chrifsmas
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Artemis Entreri  Suspended Member (Idle past 4259 days) Posts: 1194 From: Northern Virginia Joined:
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LOL that was funnier than when you try and make a point.
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Dr Adequate Member (Idle past 314 days) Posts: 16113 Joined:
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Do Nothing Button
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