Courtesy of QBN News Network:
Munich, Germany: Two people died yesterday as a result of another mad rampage by a naked man in the Paulaner beer garden. Witnesses report that the man was "intoxicated, extremely hairy, had an evil smell, and had two bananas duct-taped to either side of his head." He demanded to be represented by Rob Zombie but was released with a stern warning when he told police it was his birthday.
Chicago, IL: Former actress Roseanne Barr, after legally changing her name to Eliza Dushku, arrived at O'Hare International Airport and was crushed by one of the army of giant robots currently terrorizing the city. Chicago has recently undergone a financial boom spurred by the recent infusion of ten billion dollars into the local cash economy, primarily at comic book stores, strip clubs, and liquor and firearms stores.
The dark nursery of evolution is very dark indeed.
Brad McFall