Obituaries

Mammuthus, a poster on EvC Forum and survivor of the Ice Age (the movie, not the time period), was found dead in his Manhattan hayloft on Thursday. While the cause is still unclear, it appears that a bacteria developed the ability to break down tusks, and the infection spread to his brain. The coroner has assured us that the agonizing portion of the death was probably "relatively short", and the convultions were probably over in "minutes".Pastor Fred, of the New Revelation Baptist Church, performed a moving ceremony for his burial - most of which consisted of moving the 8 1/2 ton proboscid to the cemetary. His stirring sermon included a 30 minute soliloquy on how the bacteria have de-evolved, a brief rap about the wages of sin, and a moving rendition of Luciano Pavarotti's "Tu Che M'Hai Preso Il Cor".Mammothus was survived by his trainer Quetzal, his parrot Brad, and two species in the genus Elephas.------------------
"Illuminant light,
illuminate me."

The Jerusalem Post
October 15, 2003Due to a time travel incident of bible advocate TrueCreation, we are forced to retract our obituary for Jesus Christ of Bethlehem (mistakenly referred to as "of Nazareth"). The Christ was found alive and well after surviving a crucifixion ordeal thanks to TrueCreation's introduction of Macrotermitinae macrotermes to the Jerusalem warehouse of Lucius's Cross Emporium. As a consequence, the religion known as Christianity has ceased to exist.In related news, Joralex - an EvC poster and author of "Yellow: The Color of Love" and "Quotations Are For Everyone Else" - has released his ninth book on the evolution of the species in the family Equidae. In its foreward by Stephen J. Gould, Gould praises the author for his tireless work in demonstration of the function of the natural world.Buzsaw, Ancient Literature professor at Harvard, will be in town to give his world-famous lecture, "Talking Donkeys and Fire-Breathing Crocodiles: Were Ancient Societies Unintelligent or Just Creative?" Also speaking will be biblical archaeologist Dan Carroll, who will propose the possibility that the donkey, like himself, was perhaps just an exceptional example of a smart ass.Fred Williams, however, is still just an electrical engineer.------------------
"Illuminant light,
illuminate me."[This message has been edited by Rei, 10-15-2003]