Hello and welcome to Apocalypse News Channel. We bring you the latest on the end of the world, every hour, on the hour.
It has recently been concluded that the world ended around 1350, when the Black Death wiped out an estimated third of the European population. (The world wasn't much bigger than Europe back then. It seems America came away unscathed, because no one had even heard of it, can you imagine?)
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Erm... excuse me, some news just came in that it wasn't the end in 1350 after all. It now appears to have been in 1918... is that correct? Yes? I hear it's been confirmed. In 1918 it was finally there, THE end of the world. The Spanish Flu killed between 25 and 50 million people worldwide (the world having expanded a bit). What a finale!
This was Apocalypse News Channel on this fine autumn day in 2005. I'm Pat Robertson, thank you for watching.
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Hey, hang on... 2005?
G*ddammit! Is someone finally going to do their f*ckin' journalistic homework, or what? I'm making a complete f*ckin' asshole of myself here, with these f*ckin' b*llshit bulletins. F*ckin' reporters... J*sus f*ckin' Chr*st!
This message has been edited by Parasomnium, 12-Oct-2005 08:04 PM
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