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Author | Topic: Humour VII | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
onifre Member (Idle past 2981 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined:
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From the reactions seen in the video there appears to be something funny going on. Since you speak this language, whatever it is, could you translate for us, please. The beginning is mostly a joke about tea being disgusting but how they all knowingly fake the enjoyment of it, and how 'biscuit' means cookies. Oh, and right at the end, they joke about how dumb cricket is as a sport and how they all pretend to like it just to seem smart. - Oni
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frako Member (Idle past 336 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined: |
LOL Americans cant understand Scottish accents? Basicly he says that the new anti speeding advert should be Richard Hammond trying to remember his wedding day. This was around the time when he had a serious crash racing a jet propelled car. He was going 288mph/463kmh at the time of the crash, he got serious brain injuries.
Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.
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frako Member (Idle past 336 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined:
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To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen... Elizabeth II:
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.) Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy). Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary'). (I love that one) Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.' ' (I love that one too) 3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. 4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse. 5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. 6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour. 7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.) 8.You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. 9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. 10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater. 11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). 12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America . Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries. 13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. 14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776). 15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.
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AZPaul3 Member Posts: 8564 From: Phoenix Joined: Member Rating: 5.1 |
One word reply.
Yorktown.
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frako Member (Idle past 336 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined: |
LOL Shakespeare arrested
Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that. |
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frako Member (Idle past 336 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined: |
One word reply. Yorktown. Yea where would you be whitout the FRENCH And lets not forget the ASSASINS We all know it was the FRENCH and the assassins that liberated America not you inbred rednecks Now that you have a military budget higher then the rest of the world combined just goes to show that you are scared little children. Common would you call a guy who spent so much on his home security that he cant afford to eat brave. Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.
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AZPaul3 Member Posts: 8564 From: Phoenix Joined: Member Rating: 5.1 |
Your fantasies are quite vivid. And so you insist they are real despite all facts to the contrary.
That's OK. We're used to that in this forum. Just look at any thread with mindspawn or Faith. Edited by AZPaul3, : No reason given.
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frako Member (Idle past 336 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined: |
Your fantasies are quite vivid. And so you insist they are real despite all facts to the contrary. That's OK. We're used to that in this forum. Just look at any thread with mindspawn or Faith. Well now your going to claim that you dont have a Kenyan seacret Muslim president bent on destroying america by giving its people affordable healthcare. Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.
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AZPaul3 Member Posts: 8564 From: Phoenix Joined: Member Rating: 5.1 |
Well now your going to claim that you dont have a Kenyan seacret Muslim president bent on destroying america by giving its people affordable healthcare. Got me there, frako. I surrender.
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ringo Member (Idle past 442 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: |
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Speaking on behalf of the Canadian government, which I often do, we would like to offer this opportunity to the former United States of America to become Canada's eleventh province. Our only requirement is that you build a Tim Hortons on every street corner (and a few in the middle of the block).
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frako Member (Idle past 336 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined: |
Speaking on behalf of the Canadian government, which I often do, we would like to offer this opportunity to the former United States of America to become Canada's eleventh province. Our only requirement is that you build a Tim Hortons on every street corner (and a few in the middle of the block). You cant just take away a British colony it will lead to ware prince Harry is already gearing up ready to do battle. You just wait an see when he does his petronus spell on you. Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that.
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onifre Member (Idle past 2981 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
we would like to offer this opportunity to the former United States of America to become Canada's eleventh province. Your economy would collapse when all these American fatties rush for free healthcare for their 'bettus meds. - Oni
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Heathen Member (Idle past 1314 days) Posts: 1067 From: Brizzle Joined:
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Tangle Member Posts: 9516 From: UK Joined: Member Rating: 5.1 |
Justice here on earth; always worth watching again.
Life, don't talk to me about life - Marvin the Paranoid Android |
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frako Member (Idle past 336 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined: |
Christianity, One woman's lie about an affair that got seriously out of hand What are the Christians gonna do to me ..... Forgive me, good luck with that. |
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