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Author | Topic: Humour VII | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
onifre Member (Idle past 2981 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Sadly though, the school says no. School says no
- Oni
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subbie Member (Idle past 1285 days) Posts: 3509 Joined:
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Hey, if I got a couple of porn stars to go out with me when I was 18, the prom would be the LAST place I'd want to take them.
Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. -- Thomas Jefferson We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat It has always struck me as odd that fundies devote so much time and effort into trying to find a naturalistic explanation for their mythical flood, while looking for magical explanations for things that actually happened. -- Dr. Adequate Howling about evidence is a conversation stopper, and it never stops to think if the claim could possibly be true -- foreveryoung
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rueh Member (Idle past 3691 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined: |
'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff |
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onifre Member (Idle past 2981 days) Posts: 4854 From: Dark Side of the Moon Joined: |
Me too! but the pornstar that agreed is married and was only doing it because she hadn't gone to prom herself and thought it was sweet to be asked by the kid. So no HJ's, BJ's or any J's were going to happen.
It's the ol' rub and tug for the kid at the end of the day. - Oni
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Lomu Member (Idle past 1109 days) Posts: 11 From: Melbourne, Australia Joined: |
A skeleton walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Can I help you sir?" The skeleton replies, "gimme a beer and a mop." |
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subbie Member (Idle past 1285 days) Posts: 3509 Joined:
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Still a nice deposit for the spank bank.
Ridicule is the only weapon which can be used against unintelligible propositions. -- Thomas Jefferson We see monsters where science shows us windmills. -- Phat It has always struck me as odd that fundies devote so much time and effort into trying to find a naturalistic explanation for their mythical flood, while looking for magical explanations for things that actually happened. -- Dr. Adequate Howling about evidence is a conversation stopper, and it never stops to think if the claim could possibly be true -- foreveryoung
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RAZD Member (Idle past 1435 days) Posts: 20714 From: the other end of the sidewalk Joined:
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Andrews McMeel Syndication - Home
Enjoyby our ability to understand Rebel American Zen Deist ... to learn ... to think ... to live ... to laugh ... to share. Join the effort to solve medical problems, AIDS/HIV, Cancer and more with Team EvC! (click) |
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rueh Member (Idle past 3691 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined:
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Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and
purchase a rectal thermometer made byJohnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken. Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement: "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized."Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,' I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.' 'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff |
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Jon Inactive Member
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I went to see the doctor the other day.
He told me I needed to stop masturbating. So I asked him why. "'Cause I need to examine you, now," he said.Love your enemies!
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Phat Member Posts: 18350 From: Denver,Colorado USA Joined: Member Rating: 1.0 |
i can never laugh at sex jokes...wonder why?
Edited by Phat, : No reason given.
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Jon Inactive Member |
That's not a sex joke. In fact, it is completely the opposite. It is a joke about not having sex.
Love your enemies!
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frako Member (Idle past 336 days) Posts: 2932 From: slovenija Joined:
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Cause you would be the first pick if we choose to sacrifice someone to a volcano god??
Edited by frako, : No reason given.
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hooah212002 Member (Idle past 831 days) Posts: 3193 Joined: |
"Science is interesting, and if you don't agree you can fuck off." -Dawkins |
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rueh Member (Idle past 3691 days) Posts: 382 From: universal city tx Joined:
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In order to broaden everyones vocabulary and because a few of these are very relevant to some folks here, I present to you... The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners: 1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time. 2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. (I'm going to start using this one all the time) 3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly. 5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. (reminds me of some folks around here) 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.) 11. Karmageddon: It's, like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's, like, a serious bummer. 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 13. Glibido: All talk and no action. 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. (very reminiscent of discussions here at EVC) 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are: 1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs. 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained. 3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk. 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent. 6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown. 7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp. 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash. 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller. 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline. 11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam. 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists. 13. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms. 14. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there. (this one is just a rip off of George Carlin, still funny though) 15. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men. Edited by rueh, : No reason given. Edited by rueh, : No reason given.'Qui non intelligit, aut taceat, aut discat' The mind is like a parachute. It only works when it is open.-FZ The industrial revolution, flipped a bitch on evolution.-NOFX It takes all kinds to make a mess- Benjamin Hoff
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Panda Member (Idle past 3743 days) Posts: 2688 From: UK Joined:
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Volumptuous (adj.): Too curvy to be sexy.
My girlfriend's mother.Tradition and heritage are all dead people's baggage. Stop carrying it!
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