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Author Topic:   Please - Some Impartial Advice Needed
Tusko
Member (Idle past 91 days)
Posts: 615
From: London, UK
Joined: 10-01-2004


Message 15 of 240 (404728)
06-09-2007 11:35 AM
Reply to: Message 1 by taylor_31
06-08-2007 3:00 PM


Is it possible that she's right and I am deluding myself?
What rationales can you see for someone in a community largely hostile to the idea of gayness deluding themselves into the belief that they are gay? I have a suggestion as to what your mother might be thinking. Implicit in her comments is the idea that you might be shy of girls and so might be delude yourself into believing that you are attracted to guys because relationships with guys are less taxing emotionally.
If this is what she's thinking, then it sounds like she's making the classic mistake of confusing homosexuality with promiscuity and an enjoyment of copious amounts of anonymous sex. Of course, it is true that many gay people enjoy both these things, but equally it is true for many straight folks.
I have a friend who comes from a family who are very uncomfortable with the idea that their son might be homosexual. His gayness is still not accepted after several years. It sometimes makes things difficult for him because he comes from a close family. It seems to be a kind of deadlock- they refuse to accept him as he sees himself and he refuses to change to please them. More than that, he refuses to hide his sexuality from them any more (after much uncertainty and soul-searching) and tries to be as firm and honest as he can, despite the strain this causes the relationship. Although they do not accept his gayness, they accept him. They all still love each other and are able to spend time together amicably. I think on balance he feels he has done the right thing.
Obviously this anecdote isn't helpful in a direct sense because it isn't clear whether your family are similar to my friend's. However, I hope that it demonstrates that a meaningful relationship with parents is at least still possible even if they do not accept their child's sexuality.

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