|
Register | Sign In |
|
QuickSearch
Thread ▼ Details |
|
|
Author | Topic: Humour VIII | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: |
quote:Or, as I sometimes tell people who don't like their jobs, "If work was fun they wouldn't have to pay you. They'd have people waiting in line to pay to do it." When people ask me if I like my job I tell them it's like a ride at Disneyland.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: |
Mary: Oh my God! Oh my God ohmyGod ohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod...
***
Wise Guy: I told you we should have turned left at Babylon. ***
Cow: Mooo. ***
Mary: Shut the door. Were you born in a barn? Jesus: Yes I was. Don't you remember? You were there. ***
Joseph: Remember, measure twice, cut once. Jesus: But I'm infallible. Joseph: I'll infallible you...! ***
Jesus: Screw this. I'm going fishing. ***
Jesus: Here's mud in your eye. Drunk: I think I'm blind. ***
Mary: I don't care if it is your day off. Clean up those damn palm leaves. ***
Pilate: Let's see... Practicing medicine without a license, making wine without a license, assaulting a moneychanger. You've been a bad boy, haven't you? ***
Jesus: You're going to need bigger nails than that. Trust me. ***
Guard: Shut that door! Are you trying to heat all of Jerusalem? ***
Centurion: What do you mean you lost a corpse? I'll have you pounding a beat in Londinium. ***
Jesus: Yeah, I had a hell of a weekend. I really got hammered. Thomas: You'd better get a tetanus shot. ***
Jesus: I'll be right back. |
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: |
Theodoric writes:
Not even if you play it like Sartre?
This cartoon will not help me enjoy it any more. quote:
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined:
|
Theodoric writes:
So it's the 5-year-olds who play like Sartre.
Probably best not to play that way with a 5 year old. It is tough enough getting him to follow rules. quote:
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined:
|
AZPaul3 writes:
I stopped reading at the zebra on the field. It isn't going to get any funnier than that.
OK, you’re watching your favorite football team (American football) when one of the zebras throws his little yellow hankie.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined:
|
Moose writes:
Maybe it just has a loonie sense of humour.
Which brings up the question, why is the moon sometimes doing a less than full effort, or even totally on vacation from its "night ruling"?
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined:
|
The railroads could have saved some money using those for ties.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: |
If Christians are speaking "God's language", where are all the thees and thous?
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined:
|
Omnivorous writes:
Karma is komplicated.
So no good deed goes unpunished.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined:
|
That gullibility line might have been drawn by Escher or Mobius.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined:
|
A travelling salesman stopped at a farm. He was standing in the yard talking to the farmer when a tractor went past, driven by a pig. It went into a shed and a minute later the pig came out and went into the house.
The salesman scratched his head. "Did I just see what I thought I saw? A pig driving a tractor?" The farmer replied, "Oh, yeah. He runs all of the equipment. He does all of the repairs and maintenance too. He even does the books for the farm." The salesman was mystified. "By the way, I happened to notice that he has a wooden leg." "Yeah..." the farmer mused, "When you have a good pig like that you don't want to eat him all at once."
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined:
|
Random poster responding to an uncharacteristically long post by ringo: "I didn't think you knew that many words."
ringo: "I used some of them twice."
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined:
|
When God was creating the world, one of the angels came to Him and said, "I'm afraid we're running short of hearts and brains but we have plenty of assholes." And behold, God created Republicans.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined:
|
Coyote writes:
Humour is often based on a bizarre response to a relatively ordinary situation - e.g. "If she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood and she's a witch." Bullshit. You have achieved humour.
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
ringo Member (Idle past 443 days) Posts: 20940 From: frozen wasteland Joined: |
Actually, the Blues Brothers did need four fried chickens and a Coke - and some dry white toast.
|
|
|
Do Nothing Button
Copyright 2001-2023 by EvC Forum, All Rights Reserved
Version 4.2
Innovative software from Qwixotic © 2024