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Author Topic:   Your First Ever EVC Post
Huntard
Member (Idle past 579 days)
Posts: 2870
From: Limburg, The Netherlands
Joined: 09-02-2008


Message 91 of 140 (578350)
09-01-2010 3:19 PM
Reply to: Message 83 by Straggler
09-01-2010 12:52 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
Straggler writes:

A sub topic of this thread could be "My first post that got me suspended"

I of course have never (yet) been suspended.

(**Straggler gazes angelically at the halo suspended over his head**)


Pff, holier than thou cricket-batting wanker.

This is my first and only suspension so far, I think Moose missed the point a bit, but ah well.

It's a string of 3 messages:

Message 80:

Huntard writes:

hide
Well, you got me convinced, now I will slaughter my neighbours and take their daughter as my wife as is clearly your will!

All Hail The Lord Chimp!
/hide

{Non-topic blather belatedly hidden - Adminnemooseus}

Message 83:

Huntard writes:

hide

Jumped Up Chimpanzee writes:

You are annointed with my spirit and I officially appoint you as my 4th soothsayer, after Tom, Dick and Harry.


Huzzah!

I will soon (this evening) write a book (a few sentences) about my exploits, and how they were sanctioned by The Lord Chimp. This will add credibility to his claim of Ultimate Authority!

All Hail The Lord Chimp!
/hide

{Non-topic blather belatedly hidden - Adminnemooseus}

And finally, the pièce de résistance, Message 85:

Huntard writes:

hide
Let here be recorded those exploits and endeavours of The 'Tard of the Hun, and how through his dealings with The Ultimate Authority The Lord Chimp, Great is His anger, he went and conquered a little patch of land known as the Jenssen's place.

For 'twas upon a day that was sunny and warm, with the golden sun, set in the sky by the greatest of authorities, The Lord Chimp, short is His fuse, I, 'Tard of the Hun, was upon the green meadow before my estate.
And yonder did I look, and behold such a sight that I had not seen in days.
'Twas the neighbours daughter, known as Violet to some, and pumpkin to others, who, upon this hot and heavy day, did frolic to and fro.
Her robes of colourful flowers did a-flutter in the wind.
Ah yes, the wind, blown around the Earth by none other than that most authoritative figures of all, The Lord Chimp, his temper be terrible, and doubtless, it blew to reveal to mine eyes the wonderful stilts that did bear aloft this creature of wonderful visage.
For this I gave praise to Him, and hoped he would bless me more, for one thing was clear to, as cleasr as the purest water, giving praise to some being so much elevated above us as to be Ultimate in authority, must be pleasing to Him.
And He, being pleased, would shower me with the most radiant of blessings, for He is a just authority, though he angers swiftly, 'tis always righteous fury.
For a few days did the sun burn my features, and red did I become.
Red be the favourite colour of The Lord Chimp, for why else turn his devoted follower so?
I undertook on oath to him, saying, "Lord Chimp, If I forswear the use of water as drink for three more days, wouldst thou grant me my desires?"
And 'lo! So did he answer with an evaporating puddle, for did not the puddle represent my sin, being taken by his glorious authority?
Then one cooling night, when the inner fire of His blessing burned so much I could not sleep, 'twas as if my skin was alight like a thousand candles, I had a vision.
A vision of flowers turning red, of flame consuming wood, of love finally recognized and of respect finally won!
I knew what The Lord Chimp, his rage be consuming, wanted me to do!
I did waste not a drop of sand from my hourglass and did hurry as the wind towards the land I was to conquer.
With a ferocious shout I broke down their most foul barrier, it had protected them for long, but against the blessings of an authority such as The Lord Chimp, furious is his mood, there is no safe haven.
Upwards my feet carried me ever higher, I was being held aloft by His great want.
For wanting this he did, he told me so in every fiber of my body, and I did tingle with excitement.
Shouts, the man looked surprised, and that look forever holds his visage, for he liveth no longer, the axe was too sharp.
His wife did a-shriek, but silence soon filled this dark cool house, already, the great rage The Lord Chimp had filled me with was subsiding, I was ever closer to what he wished me to do.
Entering the final room, my goal lay in sight, I took her up in my arms, still dripping with the life of her captors, and set her free, to be my wife.
Now, she lives in m basement, and is happy and content that the great authority did select her to be the start of his new commune of most loyal followers.

So I say unto thee all, do not doubt that there is but one authority, the ultimate authority, The Lord Chimp, berserking ever on.

------

Liner notes:

Well, that should settle this debate over who is the ultimate authority once and for all. And don't criticize this, it only took me about ten minutes to write, so no quality is guaranteed. Oh, and The Lord Chimp will curse you if you speak ill of his followers.
/hide

{Non-topic blather belatedly hidden - Adminnemooseus}


This message is a reply to:
 Message 83 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 12:52 PM Straggler has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 92 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 4:22 PM Huntard has not yet responded
 Message 95 by Meldinoor, posted 09-01-2010 4:29 PM Huntard has responded

  
Straggler
Member
Posts: 10285
From: London England
Joined: 09-30-2006


Message 92 of 140 (578373)
09-01-2010 4:22 PM
Reply to: Message 91 by Huntard
09-01-2010 3:19 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
Huntard writes:

(**Straggler gazes angelically at the halo suspended over his head**)

Pff, holier than thou cricket-batting wanker.

Oooh. Watch it sonny!! Or I'll have to get my pads out again (Message 82).

Huntard writes:

This is my first and only suspension so far, I think Moose missed the point a bit, but ah well.

Well I liked your chimpostic parody. But that probably says more about me than the quality or validity of your suspension inducing effort.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 91 by Huntard, posted 09-01-2010 3:19 PM Huntard has not yet responded

nator
Member (Idle past 453 days)
Posts: 12961
From: Ann Arbor
Joined: 12-09-2001


Message 93 of 140 (578374)
09-01-2010 4:23 PM
Reply to: Message 88 by Straggler
09-01-2010 2:36 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
Yes, you are right!

Dang, I like that one even better.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 88 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 2:36 PM Straggler has not yet responded

  
Straggler
Member
Posts: 10285
From: London England
Joined: 09-30-2006


Message 94 of 140 (578375)
09-01-2010 4:23 PM
Reply to: Message 90 by bluegenes
09-01-2010 3:00 PM


Re: First suspensions

Bluegenes writes:

Admittedly, I first typed "Actually, that's commendable, considering what an argumentative sod you are", but I changed it as I'd already called you a pussy in the post, and there are limits.

Ban him!! Ban him!!!

Where is an admin when you need one........?


This message is a reply to:
 Message 90 by bluegenes, posted 09-01-2010 3:00 PM bluegenes has not yet responded

Meldinoor
Member (Idle past 3092 days)
Posts: 400
From: Colorado, USA
Joined: 02-16-2009


Message 95 of 140 (578377)
09-01-2010 4:29 PM
Reply to: Message 91 by Huntard
09-01-2010 3:19 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
I find it hard to believe that someone who (presumably) doesn't speak English as a first language could wax so poetically (and in 10 minutes!).

It was pretty damn funny too.

-Meldinoor


This message is a reply to:
 Message 91 by Huntard, posted 09-01-2010 3:19 PM Huntard has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 96 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 4:31 PM Meldinoor has responded
 Message 99 by Huntard, posted 09-01-2010 5:13 PM Meldinoor has not yet responded

  
Straggler
Member
Posts: 10285
From: London England
Joined: 09-30-2006


Message 96 of 140 (578378)
09-01-2010 4:31 PM
Reply to: Message 95 by Meldinoor
09-01-2010 4:29 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
You should hear him in Dutch.

It's amazing.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 95 by Meldinoor, posted 09-01-2010 4:29 PM Meldinoor has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 97 by Meldinoor, posted 09-01-2010 4:43 PM Straggler has responded

Meldinoor
Member (Idle past 3092 days)
Posts: 400
From: Colorado, USA
Joined: 02-16-2009


Message 97 of 140 (578382)
09-01-2010 4:43 PM
Reply to: Message 96 by Straggler
09-01-2010 4:31 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
Ah, the Dutch language. It sounds like the bastard offspring of English, German and every other language in the area. I'm sure it would be interesting and amusing to hear a Dutch rendition of the "Ballad of Tard".

But I digress. We were talking about suspensions. Haven't I seen you suspended before? I mean, aside from Dr Adequate (all hail His High Passive-Aggressiveness), aren't you one of the meanest, most sarcastic, and realistic posters on EvC? I'm sure I've seen you suspended a few times.

-Meldinoor


This message is a reply to:
 Message 96 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 4:31 PM Straggler has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 98 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 4:50 PM Meldinoor has not yet responded

  
Straggler
Member
Posts: 10285
From: London England
Joined: 09-30-2006


Message 98 of 140 (578386)
09-01-2010 4:50 PM
Reply to: Message 97 by Meldinoor
09-01-2010 4:43 PM


Suspenders
Meldi writes:

I mean, aside from Dr Adequate (all hail His High Passive-Aggressiveness), aren't you one of the meanest, most sarcastic, and realistic posters on EvC?

Why Thankyou!! Frankly I am honoured to even be mentioned in the same sentance as Dr. A in this context.

Meldi writes:

I'm sure I've seen you suspended a few times.

Nope.

Not unless I missed it.

Edited by Straggler, : No reason given.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 97 by Meldinoor, posted 09-01-2010 4:43 PM Meldinoor has not yet responded

Huntard
Member (Idle past 579 days)
Posts: 2870
From: Limburg, The Netherlands
Joined: 09-02-2008


Message 99 of 140 (578394)
09-01-2010 5:13 PM
Reply to: Message 95 by Meldinoor
09-01-2010 4:29 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
Meldinoor writes:

I find it hard to believe that someone who (presumably) doesn't speak English as a first language could wax so poetically (and in 10 minutes!).


Why thank you kind sir. No, English is not my first language, but really, I haven't encountered a Dutchman yet who doesn't speak it to some degree. Although, admittedly, not as well, as I do. (god, I sound so arrogant now. ). Of course, watching nothing but English cartoons subbed in Dutch (like Transformers, GI Joe, MASK, and probably some other stuff too) in my youth was a great contributor to that (on a side note, most series now are dubbed, they're dumbing down our kids!)

It was pretty damn funny too.

I aim to please.

This message is a reply to:
 Message 95 by Meldinoor, posted 09-01-2010 4:29 PM Meldinoor has not yet responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1234 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 100 of 140 (578420)
09-01-2010 6:08 PM
Reply to: Message 83 by Straggler
09-01-2010 12:52 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
double fuckin' post

Edited by onifre, : No reason given.


This message is a reply to:
 Message 83 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 12:52 PM Straggler has not yet responded

  
onifre
Member (Idle past 1234 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 101 of 140 (578421)
09-01-2010 6:09 PM
Reply to: Message 83 by Straggler
09-01-2010 12:52 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
A sub topic of this thread could be "My first post that got me suspended"

I of course have never (yet) been suspended.

I have only received 2, and banned from the Big Bang/Cosmology thread once, even though I felt being a prick was needed in that thread. And I say only 'cause there were cases where I expected to get peeled but, as luck should have it, I didn't.

I almost had a first recently; being suspended for not being upto the comedic standards of a pro. And I would have gladly accepted that one, having shat the bed with jokes in that post.

You haven't been suspended yet? Get the fuck out of here! I'm with bluegenes, pusssssyyyyy, or...maybe you're just really good at hiding the mean spirit with dem fancy college-type words. I go right for the curse words.

(**Straggler gazes angelically at the halo suspended over his head**)

(**...while Oni pisses on it**)

- Oni


This message is a reply to:
 Message 83 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 12:52 PM Straggler has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 102 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 6:25 PM onifre has responded
 Message 123 by Straggler, posted 09-02-2010 2:25 PM onifre has responded

  
Straggler
Member
Posts: 10285
From: London England
Joined: 09-30-2006


Message 102 of 140 (578427)
09-01-2010 6:25 PM
Reply to: Message 101 by onifre
09-01-2010 6:09 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
Oni writes:

You haven't been suspended yet?

Why does everyone find that soooo hard to believe?

Oni writes:

I'm with bluegenes, pusssssyyyyy, or...maybe you're just really good at hiding the mean spirit with dem fancy college-type words.

So it would seem.

Either that or my propensity for limiting my most insulting comments to comic verse, song and rap has thus far excluded me from moderator detection.

Oni writes:

Straggler writes:

(**Straggler gazes angelically at the halo suspended over his head**)

(**...while Oni pisses on it**)

Well given that supernatural halos are "meaningless/nothing" it goes without saying that mine is electric.........

BZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTT

(**Oni writhes around as the sparks fly from you know where **)

Straggler: Sniff. Sniff. "Can anyone smell burning flesh? With a hint of toasted cheese..........."


This message is a reply to:
 Message 101 by onifre, posted 09-01-2010 6:09 PM onifre has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 103 by onifre, posted 09-01-2010 6:42 PM Straggler has responded

onifre
Member (Idle past 1234 days)
Posts: 4854
From: Dark Side of the Moon
Joined: 02-20-2008


Message 103 of 140 (578434)
09-01-2010 6:42 PM
Reply to: Message 102 by Straggler
09-01-2010 6:25 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
Why does everyone find that soooo hard to believe?

Cuz you're a bit of a dick... in a good way, don't get me wrong.

Either that or my propensity for limiting my most insulting comments to comic verse, song and rap has thus far excluded me from moderator detection.

And this post has now brought you and your lyrics to their attention. Way to go!

(**Oni writhes around as the sparks fly from you know where **)

Straggler: Sniff. Sniff. "Can anyone smell burning flesh? With a hint of toasted cheese..........."

(**Oni stands back up with a sick grin on his face and asks, "Can we do that again?"**)

- Oni


This message is a reply to:
 Message 102 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 6:25 PM Straggler has responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 104 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 6:57 PM onifre has not yet responded

  
Straggler
Member
Posts: 10285
From: London England
Joined: 09-30-2006


Message 104 of 140 (578440)
09-01-2010 6:57 PM
Reply to: Message 103 by onifre
09-01-2010 6:42 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
Oni writes:

Cuz you're a bit of a dick... in a good way, don't get me wrong.

It is better to have been a dick "in a good way" than to have never been a dick at all. This is my motto in life. It has served me well thus far.

Oni writes:

And this post has now brought you and your lyrics to their attention. Way to go!

SSSSHHHHHhhhhhhhh!!! Don't make a song and dance about it. They'll catch on!!

Oni writes:

(**Oni stands back up with a sick grin on his face and asks, "Can we do that again?"**)

You are never one to be pusillanimous when it comes to dick based experiences huh?

Straggler: "OK boys. Harder and faster this time. Oni wants da juice"

(**RAZD and Bluejay look up wearily from the exercise bikes to which they are eternally strapped. As they begin to peddle the jump leads to power Strags Halo hum with high voltage electric current. The look of excitement on Oni's face is slightly disturbing**)

BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

(**sparks fly**)

Oni: OOooooooohhhhhh


This message is a reply to:
 Message 103 by onifre, posted 09-01-2010 6:42 PM onifre has not yet responded

Replies to this message:
 Message 105 by Omnivorous, posted 09-01-2010 7:05 PM Straggler has not yet responded
 Message 111 by Blue Jay, posted 09-02-2010 1:06 AM Straggler has responded

Omnivorous
Member (Idle past 1251 days)
Posts: 3808
From: Adirondackia
Joined: 07-21-2005


Message 105 of 140 (578444)
09-01-2010 7:05 PM
Reply to: Message 104 by Straggler
09-01-2010 6:57 PM


Re: Yesterday All My Troubles Seemed So far Away
Could you two get a room?


Have you ever been to an American wedding? Where's the vodka? Where's the marinated herring?!
-Gogol Bordello

This message is a reply to:
 Message 104 by Straggler, posted 09-01-2010 6:57 PM Straggler has not yet responded

  
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